just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
