you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
