Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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