Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
