So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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