Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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