he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
