Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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