Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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