No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
