I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
