I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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