I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
