Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
