whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize