I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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