Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
