Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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