And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
