his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
