is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
