I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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