Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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