It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My dick has a subreddit
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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