if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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