just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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