Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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