your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
