Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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