Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
