Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
