she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
