I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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