I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
