I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
