This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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