can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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