Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
