then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
