I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
