She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
