whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
