my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
50% drunk capacity currently
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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