I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
