so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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