More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
