Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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