my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize