I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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