WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
