I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
