Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
