she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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