I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
