the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
