Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I smell like Dick and happiness
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
