im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All the doctor said was why
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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