Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
