RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
