No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
