My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
