Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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