but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
