she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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