Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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