I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
