her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
